Five days

This Friday is our gender ultrasound. I do believe this will likely be the second longest five days of my life, second only to my due date.

Scott and I talked last night about how nice it will be to start talking to the baby in utero. The earliest I've read he/she might be able to hear is 18 weeks, so we have another month on that, but still. Knowing what the baby is and being able to call it by its name... I think that will just help to make it all real.

There have only been a couple of "real" moments, really. When the doctor called with the results of my hcg test and confirmed the pregnancy, I cried, because official results rather than the at-home test seemed to make it real.

The other defining moment was the first ultrasound. I half expected a blank picture to come up onscreen, for the tech to say, "there's no baby in here; what were you thinking?!" But then I saw it, wiggling around and waving and kicking and very much real and alive. I teared up then, too.

I can't wait to see more of this little person who's about to change my entire world.

A special teacher moment

This week has been a tough one at work. Long story vague and short enough for safety, my teaching ability was called into question (by some students who I believe had a bad combination of having it out for me and genuinely not learning as much in my class as others because they put forth less effort and little to no enthusiasm--but, hey, can't win 'em all). It has been a week of self-doubt, defensiveness, desperately hurt feelings, and internal panic. One of my most tragic flaws as an educator is my desire to make everyone happy and my subsequent need for approval (yes, my name is J, and I'm a people-pleaser), not just from administrators but from colleagues, parents, and students as well.

After today's attempt on my part to smooth things over, I felt drained and defeated (despite my administrator's advice not to feel that way at all). Combine this with pregnancy hormones and the chaos that is my multi-tasking life these days, and you've got a considerable mess.

Tonight I logged onto my school Facebook page and scrolled through the news feed, all the usual types of posts from my students--music videos, carefully angled photos taken on cell phones into mirrors, and misspelled updates about the drama of life. Then I noticed a post with my name in it. It read:

dude we have 1 of the best teachers of all time i kno she thinks im playin but shes still best
to mrs O'Shields

This was the student whose truancy conference I attended earlier this week.

Several other students commented and agreed with his post.

These are the moments that remind me it's going to be okay, strange as it is.