When you get married, you join and commit yourself not only to that person but to his or her entire history and future, and that includes family. I wonder how many people realize the seriousness of that before entering the commitment. You're doubling your family in a day, essentially.
I'm fortunate to have been accepted into my husband's family (now mine) with open arms by all. And I love them. But doubling your family means not only doubling the love you receive, but also the loss you will inevitably experience. That's bittersweet.
Today we will honor the memory of my husband's grandmother. It has been a really rough weekend since her passing early Friday morning. I was blessed to grow up with two living sets of grandparents, but MaMa was the only grandparent Scott ever knew. And she was so influential in the lives she touched, so the pain of this loss is extra strong.
In her last few weeks, she asked Patricia (Scott's mom) to tell us that she was headed into the sunset and our baby was headed toward the sunrise. While I hate that she didn't get to meet this new little life and that her own ended so closely before his... There's almost comfort in knowing she *knew*--not just that he was coming, but that, in a sense, they were trading places.
I've been reading Tuck Everlasting with my students this semester, a novel that discusses the ideas of life, immortality, and death. It's suggested therein that, though it's sad and we hate and often fear it, death is a natural part of the wheel of life, right next to being born; that old life must leave to make room for new. It seems in Scott's family, this pattern is almost always true--death and new life come paired together. I have mixed feelings about this. It's selfish, but I even don't like the fact that my child's birth will be, in a sense, less happy an occasion because it will follow so soon after Belle's passing. People may associate the two and it might make them sad.
I guess there's comfort in knowing she knew he was going to be named after her late husband (Perry--Taven's middle name). I know that tickled her. But I'll always hate that they never met. Not in this life, anyway.
Belle was a wonderful woman whose life deserves to be celebrated, and I hope we will keep doing so anytime the family gets together. I'm thankful for the new life God is sending our way to celebrate even I'm the shadow of loss. He's good that way.
Written 4-15
(Finished later)
